Starting Again

I feel like I need to start this post by apologizing. I’m obviously aware that I don’t have some sort of cult following that I owe posts to, so I guess the person I need to apologize to most is myself. I started writing this blog because I felt restless. Like I have so many desires to create positive change in the world, and couldn’t wait around for the perfect circumstances to give me the platform to do so. So, I created the platform myself. I was able to take the things I love most and feel like I was using them to make a difference. 

And then, the election happened.

I have sat down once every couple of weeks since then and tried to piece together any sort of statement on how I felt. At first I felt too defeated, and thought maybe I needed to give myself time to grieve the version of America that I got a glimpse of. Wait for the flames to subside, write once I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. But, everytime I have felt the smallest glimmer of hope, it has been obliterated by acts of hate and apathy toward people like me.

All this President and his clan have taught me is that there is an overwhelming portion of our world who hates me to the core of who I am. There is not an aspect of my existence that hasn’t become a topic of debate. I don’t understand how my ability to love, to decide, to experience, has become political. Even with the greatest support system, which I am so grateful for, I can’t help but feel like I’m fighting a battle I can’t win.

At least that’s how I’ve felt for a long time, and still do sometimes. The cruel nature of the world allowed me to put myself on pause. But not anymore. 

One of the qualities I admire most about myself is how I let love consume me. I care so truly and so deeply for the things in my life that they are my everything. While my optimism has wavered in some ways, my passion has not. I still have the same goals for my career and my future, and refuse to do them in a world I resent. And until then, I refuse to sit and let my life fall apart. 

Writing a blog about representation in media may not seem like the biggest deal in the big picture, but it’s all I have. So, I will continue. Continue to watch, to research, to write, to love.

Because if I don’t, who will?